This may have been prompted by the visit to my parents this weekend. Please excuse me.Do I want kids? Sometimes? More at certain times of the month. Sometimes no. Mostly when I see a bratty kid at the store or when I talk to my Fabulous! Single! friends.
What if we decided to have one and all my friends left me because they are Single and Fabulous and not boring parents? Will we have anything to talk about? What will happen to the relationship the Husband and I have had just the two of us (plus cats) for so long? Will having a kid break us up? What if I hate being a parent and want to run away? I'm stuck for years! What if the Husband wants to run away?
Should I stay childfree and travel and have a great house and nice things? Will the Husband leave me if I choose not to have a kid? I know he wants one but do I? Will my parents and in-laws get mad if I don't provide the grandchild they keep pressuring me about?
What if we do have a kid and it's not healthy? Could I take care of a disabled kid for the rest of my life? What if it dies? Could I handle that? What if it turns out I can't have kids at all? Will that matter?
Can we afford one? Am I smart enough to raise a person? Can I do it physically? I get depressed as it is, can I handle post-partum depression?
I can't even talk to my friends about this because the one who wants kids is trying and not having any luck, there is the one who is really strongly against having any at all and then there are the ones who are so far away from the possibility right now that it hasent even crossed their minds. I maintained to my in-laws for so long that I never wanted one at all, so I would get a big chorus of "I told You so!" and talking about it with my Mother would just end up with her telling me I am wonderful and that's no help at all. Plus it would make me cry.
I try and talk about it to the Husband but I don't think he really gets what a big thing this is for me. We just have a kid and it's wonderful. Everything would be fine. Everybody does it. Peachy Keen!
Sorry to vent on here. I promise tomorrow I will be back to your regularly scheduled posts about cats and food and nonsense.