Names

Or More Specifically, MY Name.

I changed my name when I got married. It was a decision I agonized over for almost the whole time we were engaged. Did I want to? Was I willing to give up my maiden name, was I succumbing to the patriarchy? Was I building a family unit with the Husband, or throwing away my identity?

Finally I decided to keep my own name and add his too. As an example - (not real names obviously, but enough so you get the picture) - My maiden name was "Pole" His last name is "Smithers" I decided to legally become Christine Pole Smithers. Yes both names are mine and they are both legally my last name.

This has advantages and disadvantages. I can use either/or/both and have it all be nice and legal. I prefer both. Of course most places aren't set up to accept people with two last names. I had a hard time persuading the MTO that those were the names that should go on my drivers license.

And now it's Xmas card season. I have lost count of the number of Xmas cards that have arrived in the last few weeks addressed to "Mr. and Mrs Husband Smithers" . I realize that it used to be proper etiquette to refer to a woman by her husbands name but I really hate losing me in all this. All I get to be is the Mrs. No name - no nothing. It makes me feel really insignificant. And it's coming from some of the weirdest places - women who have kept their names, my inlaws, you get the picture.

The Husband doesn't really get it. But it's HIS name on the cards so why should he? Maybe I need to get someone to send some cards addressed to Mrs and Mr Christine "Pole" , But that would be a little passive aggressive.

I am trying to be Zen about this. These people are not trying to hurt my feelings. (I hope) I need to realize that they are just sending me a Xmas card and not making a statement about my choice. But it's making me hate getting the mail.