Open Letters

To the guy in the next lane at the pool,

Doing the front crawl should not result in that much splashing. Seriously, dude. You impressed no one with your speed an annoyed everyone with the excess water being tossed around. Take a stroke class!

Slice, don't flop.
Me.

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To the small cat.

How nice of you to anticipate my desire to vacuum glass shards out of the carpet at 5:15am today.

Love,
Mommy.
(Do cats Grok sarcasm?)

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Dear Chin,

Two?? giant zits in the same week? Come on now!

Yours,
Spotty.

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To the powers that be,

Please let the Husband finish these last two weeks of the semester with his mind intact. I would like to take a sane person with me to Ireland.

Thank you,
Wifely.

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Dear work,

Thank you, thank you, thank you for approving my vacation time. I will bring you back a present.

Touristy,
Me.